Taking Chances
by craycrayforbenson
Summary: Olivia gets a call from Elliot, 3 years after he's left. Stabler wants to talk, leaves Olivia with a tough decision. Everything is current, so it goes along with Season 15.
1. Chapter 1

Just some lovely E/O might be a one-shot; if you guys want more just tell me. Any criticism is better than none, and with your guy's help I'll know how to improve my writing. Thanks in advance xx Enjoy!

She didn't even recognize the number, but she answered the call anyway. She gave her number out so easily to victims, in case they ever needed someone to talk to, or if they had questions.

"Liv?" Olivia recognized his voice immediately. She held in tears, and took a long breath.

"Liv." He said again, his voice was timid.

"Elliot." Her voice croaked, she cleared her throat before continuing, "What do you want?" Her voice was clear now, firm.

"I need to talk to you. Do you want to meet at Sully's at around 8?"

"We haven't spoken in almost three years and you want to meet me at a bar?" Annoyance evident in her voice.

"Do you want me to come over?" Elliot sighed before continuing, "I-." Olivia interrupted him.

"I don't think Brian would like that, listen we can meet at you're house." Olivia rolled her eyes, she couldn't believe she was actually talking to him, her partner, former partner of 12 years. The man she thought was the love of her life, the man she held every other man up too.

"I'm actually staying at a motel, right outside of New York, The Ritz."  
"What's your room number?"

"13. Come by at around 8."

"Okay."

"It's a date than." Elliot said, he voice a little less shy, a little more certain.

"A date it is." Olivia hung up the phone. The entire conversation rang in her head, over and over again, his words, his voice. She hated to admit how much she missed it. Olivia wondered what he wanted, how he was doing. If him and Kathy had finally called it quits, so many questions flooded her mind. She looked down at her watch, it was only four, and though they had just finished talking, the anticipation of tonight's "date" was killing her. Olivia knew she would have to tell Brian, she wondered how he would react to the news, that Elliot a shadow in her past, now emerged and wanted to talk. The one thing Olivia hoped Elliot wouldn't bring up was the awful thing that had happened to her with Lewis, it was briefly covered by the news, but it had been almost four months since it happened. If this is what Elliot wanted to talk about, why not call four months ago, why wait now? To be completely honest Olivia didn't want it to be brought up because she didn't want to be reminded of how weak she had become and how easily she was taken advantage of, it had happened once and she promised herself she would never let it happen again, but it did. And she couldn't stop it. She couldn't save the lawyers father from dying, she couldn't save the mother from being tortured and raped repeatedly, and she could barely save herself. She was no longer the fearless, strong woman that Elliot left standing alone in the prescient three years ago. She was a different woman, a pathetic excuse for one she thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the amazing reviews! xx Enjoy

"What does he want?" Brian asked, he was annoyed, it was obvious. Elliot was always competition, sure he was married with a wife and a family, but Brian still felt uneasy around him. He knew Elliot didn't trust him, and frankly Brian didn't trust him either. It was so obvious Elliot wanted something to happen between him and Liv, but he was just too big of a coward to act on him impulses. His impulses to kiss her, to love her, to be more than a friend.

"He wants to talk." Olivia said shyly. "It's been so long, I can't believe he called." Three hours later and she was still in awe, her brain was a mess.

"Liv, you do what you need to do. You finish this." Brian couldn't talk about Elliot anymore. Just thinking about him made him sick. "Twelve years and you think you get to know someone." Brian paused before continuing, "Your trial is coming up, I just don't want you to get too stressed out." Brian said softly.

"I know." Olivia said quietly.

She couldn't think about the trial, it made her dizzy. Just thinking about Lewis made her want to cry. She constantly thought about that night, it was a nightmare that followed her past her dreams. The memory would never go away; it was burned in her soul. Lewis would forever be a part of her. When Olivia gave the memory deep thought she was always brought back to how desperately she wanted to call Elliot. He would have known what to do, he would have saved her. He would have prevented this from happening, but she didn't call him. She didn't call because after three years what is there to say?

"Liv?" Brian said, stealing Olivia from her thoughts.

"Just don't worry about it; I'm sure he just wants to catch up."

"Catch up?" Brian said, shooting Olivia a puzzled look.

"It's already 7:30 I have to go." Olivia said looking at her watch. She quickly kissed him on the lips, and was gone. Physically she was gone, but mentally she had been gone the entire time. She couldn't stop thinking about Elliot. She was partly excited, but mostly nervous.

She thought a lot while she drove though the city. She appreciated the city so much more, the little things, she found joy in the simplicity of life. That night she wanted to die, the night with Lewis. Death was her escape, Olivia had prayed for death that day, and it didn't come. Help did come though, and so did healing and strength. She had never felt so low, but with the help of her therapist, friends and Brian she was on her way to becoming the Olivia Benson everyone remembered. The one who helped victims, and saved lives. Olivia thoughts went on for some time, and she nearly missed the turn.

Olivia found herself standing outside of the motel, her nerves getting the best of her. She had given little thought on what she would say, her mind stealing those thoughts and replacing them with memories of Lewis. She walked to the turquoise door with the number _thirteen_ in cursive. She took a deep breath before knocking. A second later he was there. Elliot Stabler, he looked just like she remembered, better actually. He didn't look so angry, so stressed. A warm smiled came across his face, and she couldn't help but smile back.

"Liv… My Liv." He said sweetly as he hugged Olivia. A long deep hug, his hugged filled with so much love Olivia's heart almost melted. It took all her strength to hold the tears that were swelling in her eyes.

"El." Olivia said breathlessly. She pulled from his hug and caressed his face, "You look great."

"I've missed you so much." He kissed her on the forehead, he motioned for her to come in and she did.

The room was small, a good enough size for one person. A queen size bed in the middle of the room, followed by a small cooking area which led to the bathroom. Olivia looked around skeptically, judging every inch of the place. It was decent. But it lacked something Olivia was so use to when she entered Elliot's home; a feminine touch. Elliot could see right through Olivia and her knew exactly what she was thinking.

"I know it's not the best but it's home."

"You and Kathy.." Olivia began, but Elliot quickly interrupted.

"I want to talk about you and me." Elliot grabbed his car keys from the kitchen counter and his coat. Olivia looked at him quizzically. "Not here, I have something planned." He smiled again, "I really can't believe you're here."

"I can't believe you called." Olivia said, "I tried your number a bunch of times… the line was disconnected." She was momentarily brought back to three years ago, three weeks following Elliot's retirement; Olivia had tried his number so many times, punching the numbers in slowly at first, then more angrily. She wanted to leave him a message, she wanted to tell him to come back, that she needed him more than he knew, more than she realized, but she never got the chance. Not until now at least.

"Liv, I'm sorry." Elliot grabbed her coat from the bed. "Here," he said handing it to her, "Let's go."

Part of Olivia was angry; he had brushed off her statement so easily. A simple sorry wasn't going to fix anything, she needed more. She needed to know why he left without saying goodbye. But in fear of upsetting him, she put her coat on and followed him out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I'm just so excited writing this story! It makes me so happy! I have this pictured so perfectly in my mind! Thanks again for the reviews! xx Enjoy!

There was a strong silence in the car, stillness, neither of them spoke; they were both afraid of what to say. Afraid of making one another so mad that instead of solving their problems they would just argue. They were both walking on eggshells.

"I'm not mad." Olivia said breaking the strong silence that filled the air.

"You have every right to be. I left, I shouldn't have, but I did." Elliot had one hand on the steering wheel and with his free hand grabbed Olivia's. "It was hard. It was so hard to go back there. After what I did. I took a life, a child's life." He paused. "Not everyone is as strong as you Liv." Elliot cleared his throat, and Olivia could see the tears building in his eyes. He blinked his eyes in an attempt to stop it.

"I was angry, I was angry for so long…" Olivia trailed off. Her thoughts getting the best of her; her mind was brought back to that night with Lewis. "I wanted you that night." She whispered her voice so faint, she could barely hear it. But somehow Elliot heard her.

"I hate myself for not being there, for not saving you." Elliot let go of Olivia's hand, "Were almost there." Elliot drove for some time longer, and neither of them spoke a word.

Elliot pulled the car into a small lot. In the distant Olivia could see a blue beach house, minor waves from the beach nearby crashing on the siding of the house. It was beautiful, the sun was almost gone and the glow from the moon peeking through was lovely. She was in awe.

"Do you like it?" Elliot asked. Olivia's eyes were stuck on the calming scenery.

"Yes, I love it."

"We'll come on lets go."

The beach home was peaceful. It was just as small as Elliot's motel room, but it had such a comforting aura that Olivia couldn't help but feel serene in the home. She hadn't felt this relaxed in months; it was as if all the stress in her life disappeared. She felt like herself again. Olivia walked around the inviting home, on the wooden walls there were pictures of Elliot with his children. Olivia smiled while she looked at the pictures, Elliot looked so happy as he held a baby Kathleen in his arms, a young Kathy alongside him.

"I don't think I've ever seen this one before." Olivia said tracing her finger along the framed picture.

"I had to fight Kathy for that one. She wanted everything after the divorce." Olivia quickly shot a look at Elliot's left hand, a faint tan line on his ring finger.

"We've been divorced for two years now. I just couldn't stop wearing the ring, I couldn't let go of it. A small part of me thought we might get back together, but I invested so much in our marriage and I got nothing back. I mean, I have my kids, but maybe that's not enough."

"You asked for a divorce?"

"Yes, I wanted someone I could happily grow old with. I fell out of love with Kathy years ago; I just didn't want to believe it."

"I'm sorry." Olivia said, it was all she could think of. His confession made her dizzy, his honesty. She had missed it.

"I brought this place right after it happened. Not the divorce… I was so lost and hurt. My therapist suggested I find some place where I could find inner peace. Whenever I'm hurting I drive here, the drive relaxes me, when I come inside I see all these pictures of my family and friends and I get taken back to my happiest moments in life. Just standing in this room I see everything I'm grateful for. I wanted to die after what I did, I didn't want to live, but when I'm here I see I have a purpose, I have so much to live for."

"You've definitely changed." Olivia chuckled. "For the better, I might add." A playful smile grew on her face.

"As have you, I never thought you and Cassidy would ever be a thing." Elliot left the living room and walked to the kitchen, "You want a drink?" Olivia nodded her head.

"Neither did I, but he's not as bad as everyone thinks. He's a great guy. He's been my rock, I've really needed him these past months." She grabbed a beer from Elliot, and twisted the cap open. "Plus it's nice having someone to come home to."

"Yeah, I miss that sometimes." Elliot took a long sip from his beer. Olivia followed suit.

The silence that they both had become accustomed to filled the air, it was as if they ran out of things to talk about, except for the obvious.

Elliot placed his beer on the counter, "Liv, whenever you're ready I'll be here to listen. I know it takes time and its hard to open up, especially to me."

"I don't trust you." The words were out of Olivia's mouth before she could stop them, she regretted them immediately.

"You said you weren't mad." Elliot said defensively.

"God El, you can't be that stupid. Of course I was mad, I was pissed. I still am. You didn't say goodbye, you left without one word. Nothing." Olivia was so upset, "I couldn't just leave like you did and don't sit there and give me some bullshit story about all that you've been through. Do you have any idea what I've been through?" She was shouting now, "I was kidnapped by a sadistic rapist, he forced feed me alcohol, he played mind games with me, he burned me and made me watch while he raped her over and over again…" Olivia was crying now, she couldn't escape Lewis no matter how hard she tried. She had hoped that if only for an hour she would be rid of him, but it was impossible, thoughts of him were always lurking in her mind.

"Liv, there's nothing I can do to make right of the wrong I did. There aren't enough words to express how sorry I am. I never wanted something like this to happen to you, you are my life, and you know that. I just needed time to heal myself, to fight my demons." Elliot rubbed Olivia's shoulder as he sat next to her on the couch.

"Elliot I need to be alone right now." Olivia said, she lifted Elliot's hand from her shoulder and walked outside, the cool breeze settled on body. She inhaled, holding her breath before exhaling. She was more hurtful then she intended to be, but she couldn't help it. Elliot wasn't the only one hurting. He wasn't the only one who wanted to die. No one knew that Olivia had spent many nights following that night with Lewis staring at the end of her gun, wanting it to stop. The pain, the hurt, the looks, those pitiful looks. No one knew just how hurt Olivia Benson was.


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia sat outside the beach house for some time. Her feet played in the sand, and her thoughts like they always did drifted to Lewis.

He had touched her. No he didn't rape her, but he came so close. The image of Lewis unbuttoning his pants flooded her mind. His words taunting her. Olivia had wanted to kill Lewis; he was unconscious, handcuffed to the bedframe. She had regained some strength, enough to kick him. She had her gun, it was loaded, so why didn't see take the shot? No one would miss him, no one would mourn him. Lewis' death would mean that there was just one less rapist to worry about.

Elliot slowly crept from behind the slightly opened front door; he peaked through and saw Olivia. Her face buried in her hands, she was crying.

"Liv…" Elliot's voice startled Olivia, robbing her of her thoughts. She got up immediately from the ground, brushing sand from off her clothes.

"El, I'm fine."

"You always say that." Elliot had completely left the beach house. He was now standing next to Olivia, he had his beer in one hand, his other draped casually on Olivia's shoulder. "You know Liv, you would be a great mom."

"What?" Olivia said in shock. She grabbed Elliot's beer from him and took a sip.

"You really would be. I mean that sincerely."

"I'm too old to have kids," Olivia said handing Elliot back his beer, "plus Brian doesn't want any."

"What do you what?" Elliot's question caught Olivia off guard. She paused for a moment, thinking hard about her answer, trying her best to say the words that would honestly convey what she wanted.

"I want happiness." Olivia paused. "I want love… endless love." Elliot pulled Olivia in close before he spoke.

"You deserve happiness, you deserve love. You deserve more than this world has given you. You're the strongest person I know. You're a survivor. Remember that, it's easy to think you did something wrong, that you didn't make the right choice, but you're wrong if you think that." Elliot took a sip from his beer before continuing, "I want to ask you something." Elliot paused again, "Liv, I want you to leave SVU and come be happy with me, let me be the one who gives you all the happiness and love you're worthy of. Everything I couldn't give you before I will give you now."

"El… I." Olivia was at a loss for words, she was speechless. "I-" She stuttered, "What about Brian?"

"Does he really make you happy?" Elliot asked honestly.

"I can't just bail out on him; I can't do what you did to me." Olivia said angrily. "God Elliot, you disappear and don't say anything for three years and after a few chats and a couple beers you think I'm just going to turn my life upside for you."

Olivia couldn't believe he really asked her to leave Special Victims; he had nerve, a lot of nerve.

"Do you really think working in sex crimes is the best thing for you right now, after all you've been through?"

"You know, I'm really sick of people asking me that." Olivia was shutting him out, he was speaking but she didn't hear his words, she was furious. She hated herself for coming, for putting herself through all of this unnecessary heart ache. "I really don't know why I came here, or why you called." She said as she grabbed her coat. She turned so she was facing him. "Is that why you called Elliot, to ask me to leave Special Victims?" She asked, but she didn't give him a chance to answer. "I've always cared about the women and men that come through with their stories, confessing the worst days of their lives, confessing the demons their fighting and now that I'm a special victim, it means so much more. You don't understand you don't know what it's like."

"I don't know what it's like?" Elliot scoffed. "I couldn't stay, I couldn't go back there!" Elliot shouted. Elliot had to calm himself down, his yelling reminded Olivia of the Elliot Stabler she was use to seeing, the one who used excessive force. He didn't want to scare her off so he paused, catching his thoughts, trying his best to find the words that would express how he felt. "He doesn't make you happy, not like I can."

"Brian didn't leave like you did; he was there when I needed him." Olivia rolled her eyes in exasperation. "You just don't get it. Things are not fine between us El, not yet. So stop acting like they are."

"What more can I do?"

"Take me home." Olivia said quietly. The tears were swelling in her eyes and she tried her hardest to keep them in, but it was a battle she couldn't win. "El, I really want to be happy. I know that you're the only man who can make me happy, but I just can't leave. I can't do that to Brian."

"Olivia, I spent my whole life with a woman that wasn't right for me. I settled and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I spent my entire life with someone who didn't make me happy, and the worst part of it was that twelve of those years I spent with the love of my life, but I was too scared to take that leap of faith. To tell her that she was the woman of my dreams, to tell her that she was my everything."

"I'm the love of your life?" Olivia said softly in disbelief.

"Liv, you've always been my world. From the moment I first laid my eyes on you I knew you were it." Elliot didn't give Olivia a chance to respond. His lips were on hers in seconds. His kissed filled with passion, his tongue exploring Olivia's mouth. A small part of her wanted to stop him, but she craved him just as much as he craved her. She craved his tongue, his body, everything about him. Who was she kidding, she loved Elliot Stabler.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Last chapter, xx Enjoy!

They kissed for a while, a long overdue kiss. Elliot had wondered for so long what Olivia's lip would feel like against his. Their kiss was so passionate and so personal. Olivia blamed it on twelve years of foreplay. She parted her lips from Elliot's, catching her breath.

"Yes," She said breathlessly, "I'll leave."

Elliot began kissing Olivia's neck; leaving a trail of hot wet kisses.

"I love you so much Liv."

"I love you too." The moment was to perfect and just as Elliot was about to sweep Olivia off her feet and make love to her like he had always dreamed, she stopped him.

"El, I..." It was too soon, Brian hadn't touched her since what happened with her and Lewis and even though she felt so much safer while Elliot held her in his arms, she couldn't do it. She wasn't ready.

"Liv, I'm sorry." Elliot said sympathetically.

"He taunted me; he said such terrible things…" She drifted her eyes, avoiding Elliot's while she spoke, "I promised myself I would never let it happen again. I swore I would be smarter, but I couldn't stop it. He's always there, always in my thoughts. I try so hard to not think about him." The urge to cry was strong, but no tears came from Olivia's eyes, she was so sick of crying. Every time she did she was reminded of how weak she had become. "I just don't think I can do it anymore… I don't want to do it anymore," Olivia felt herself open up. "I've given this job fifteen years old my life, and what do I have to show for it? No kids, no husband, no family. I wanted all of that. I wanted a happy ending; I wanted everything my mother didn't get to have." Olivia paused before continuing, "Sometimes I get up in the morning and I think about how different things could have been if I just took a chance. If I just had faith."

"Faith will take you a long way, but faith isn't all you need. You need love and happiness, you need to know that this journey isn't going to be easy; it's going to be hard. You need to know that you are a survivor, not a victim." Elliot lifted Olivia's chin up so that he was looking directly into her eyes. "And you need to know that I will be here every step of the way. Being you're friend, a shoulder to cry on, and hopefully one day something more." He lightly kissed Olivia on the lips.

It hurt Elliot so much to see how broken Olivia was, to know that some man could do such horrific things to her. Olivia was the most honorable, loving, trusting person Elliot had ever met in his life. He wanted to kill Lewis for what he did, he wanted to torture him and make him feel just as vulnerable and exposed as Olivia felt. Elliot grabbed Olivia and pulled her closer to him, he held her so tightly in his arms hoping that maybe some of her hurt would fall off. As Elliot held her in his arms, he noticed just how much she had changed. Her hair was a lot shorter, he could tell that it hadn't been professionally cut at first, but was fixed by a hairstylist. As he looked down and analyzed her more, he noticed the burn marks along the back of her neck; he rubbed his hands against them, causing Olivia to flinch. Olivia pulled from Elliot's arms; she didn't say anything as she stood in front of him. She pulled her shirt down, just enough to show the burn marks on her chest. Elliot winced as he looked. She rolled up her sleeves exposing the scars that had been left from the handcuffs. Tears filled Elliot's eyes.

"I want to kill him for what he did to you." Elliot whispered, he pulled Olivia back into his embrace. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, you saved me once before and I couldn't save you." Olivia was brought back to six years ago, when Dale Stuckey had nearly killed Elliot. It was such a painful memory to think about, she had come so close to losing Elliot.

"I forgive you. I understand why you left, I get it now. I'm sorry for not understanding before." Olivia kissed Elliot on the lips. "I love you Elliot Stabler." A small smile grew on her face, "Thank you."

"For what?" Elliot said softly.

"For calling." Elliot smiled, and kissed Olivia lightly on the lips. Olivia felt so innocent while Elliot held her, so safe and secure. For the time that he held her she forgot about Lewis, she forgot about Brian, her job, she forgot about the world. All she thought about was just how happy Elliot made her. It had taken fifteen years, but Elliot had finally admitted how he felt about Olivia, and after fifteen years it was all she wanted to hear. To know that he was just as crazy about her as she was about him. Olivia knew that Special Victims wasn't where she belonged anymore; she belonged in Elliot's arms, where she was always meant to be.


End file.
